"WARNING" "Quotes"

What people say sometimes is worth remembering. Here are a few quotes - some may not be worth remembering, but they are good for a laugh:

1. Life is just a phase you're going through...you'll get over it. ---- Anonymous

2. An autobiography is the story of how a man thinks he lived. ---- Herbert Samuel

3. Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. ---- Mark Twain

4.Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is one hundred percent. ---- R. D. Laing

5. Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. ---- Anonymous

6. Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them. ---- Steve Martin

7. I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away. ---- Phyllis Diller

8. Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them. ---- Dick Van Dyke

9. You don't know a women till you've met her in court. ---- Norman Mailer

10. I love men, even though they're lying, cheating scumbags. ---- Gwyneth Paltrow























11. All men hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER. ---- Dennis Leary

12. My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it. ---- Abraham Lincoln

12. When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other. ---- W.C. Fields

13. When life is a beach, play in the sand. ---- Me

14. Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. ---- Bill Cosby

15. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. ---- Benjamin Franklin

16. If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much -- just an occasional sun visor. ---- Groucho Marx

17. Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair. ---- George Burns

18. A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. ---- Bill Cosby

19. All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt. ---- Charles M. Schulz

20. Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. ---- Hedy Lamarr