Thinking of Fish

As the month of June slowly winds its way down, I become more and more anxious over the trip to Florida in just two weeks. It is going to be an exciting time. It is going to be a very busy time. In case you couldn't tell, it seems that, other than family, the thing I love to do most is either work on fish ponds or actually be fishing. Florida provides lots of opportunity for the fishing. Beach fishing (where you get to try to catch one from the sand and not get blinded by the nearby bikinis), Pier Fishing (where you can catch anything from crabs to sharks - and not that kind of crabs Jason), and deep sea fishing. I talked to Amanda and Scott yesterday and they were telling me about their recent exploits off the coast. Scott has become quite the shark wrangler. My goal isn't to catch anything specific, but rather to just catch something that puts up a great fight and that is also BIG.

We will leave home for Pensacola Beach on Friday, July 3rd. We are going to drive straight through. That means that Walt will be driving while everyone else in the car watches a movie or sleeps. Hopefully we will arrive at our destination a while before sunrise so that I will have the opportunity to sit on the beach and watch the sun rise. Because everyone else in the car will have slept well, they will all take off and do something fun, and I will take the opportunity to catch up on a few zzzzzzzzzz's. Of course we all know what happens on the evening of the 4th. I don't know in which direction we will be looking, but I do know that we will be watching the fireworks pop somewhere. After that the FUN BEGINS.

I don't know if I will be fishing that night or if I am going to wait until the morning, but to me, the fishing is what it is all about. I plan to hop on the kayak - - go out just past the breakers - - cast out my line - - paddle back in to shore - - and wait for the big one to hit the beach. So that means that most of Sunday will be devoted to fishing. On Monday, I plan to devote most of my day to ..... Fishing.... and spending some time with the family at the wedding rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.

Tuesday is a different story. That is Jamie's big day. I will be at Jamie's disposal the entire day. I know that I will be setting up huts, lights, tables , chairs........... The highlight of the day will be when I pass the hand of my baby girl off to a young man who has won the hearts of all of us. I'm told that is when the real partying will begin. I'm still not certain how much of it I will be doing, but I do plan to have a great time.

Wednesday, I'll be back to my usual vacation schedule, hopefully joining Amanda on the boat for a day out on the big blue. If not Wednesday, then on Thursday. I plan to continue this fishing pattern until they drag me off the beach and force me to come back home.



Of course, when I get back home I will need a vacation to get over my vacation. I think I'll.........

Go Fishing.....

Shingo and Abby

It seems that too often we pick up the paper or turn on the TV to discover another murder-suicide. I always just nod my head and think how tragic it must be. Sadly, yesterday a 35-year old woman in Sherwood took her own life after ending the life of her 6-year old daughter. My memories of Shingo are of a beautiful young woman who had a zest for life. She was loved by all who knew her and just a lot of fun to be around. I hadn't seen her in 14 years and never got to meet her daughter. When I signed up for Facebook I didn't add her to my account because we weren't all that close. I have good memories of her, but I doubt she would have remembered "Old Fossil".

This is the closest that an incident like this has ever been to me and it is hitting me a little hard. I find it so hard to understand why she took the life of her daughter, let alone her own life. That being said, I UNDERSTAND all too well how the mind can take over. Common Sense, reality and life as it is viewed by most is completely lost. I've been close - - too close. I can look back at those times right now and I know that at the time - nothing mattered. I didn't think about those around me. I didn't think about consequences for me or my family. I didn't think about friends or my children. I just wanted my mind to stop - to shut the hell up. NOTHING MATTERED. I've heard people condemn the sole of a suicide victim to hell. I don't think anyone should have the right to condemn the sole of another being in the afterlife. I've heard people talk about it being an act of cowardice. It may be, but in my opinion, it is more an act of desperation. When things just seem to spin out of control and nothing seems to go right - when your mind just haunts every waking moment you have - when you want off that never-ending ride.......

I know that there have been times when I have been down in those depths and others have told me to think of my children and what this would do to them. Suicide devastates all who come into contact with it. In my case, the thought of what it might do to my family is one of the few thoughts that helped pull me back out of those dark times. Sadly, those very thoughts may have been why Dear Shingo took little Abby with her. Both will be missed by all who knew them. I do not hate Shingo for what she has done, but on the contrary I now feel bad that I didn't reach out when I could have. Maybe this is a lesson that many of us learn the hard way. Don't devalue yourself when it comes to your impact on those around you. You may be the one who can save the next Shingo and Abby. They will surely be missed by me......